You Too Can Relate

I was dining with my niece at Balboa Pizza Company (in Henderson, NV), and she said how so much of what we learn about relationships, is from watching our parents.  Considering that approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce, this is a scary thought.  Neither she nor I grew up in a home where there was respect, love or friendship between our parents.

She's in her twenties and trying to find her way.  I'm not, but I recall those same years trying to find mine.  I spent them jumping from one dysfunctional relationship to the next.  As I stood in front of my elders, a bleeding heart in hand, the conversation typically went like this:

"Why does this keep happening to me?"
"Don't worry, lots of fish in the see.  The right one will come along."
"How will I know?"
"You'll know."

How is this helpful?!  Why didn't anyone, in ten years, ever say:

"This keeps happening to you, because you were taught that if you don't get your way, you shout the other person down until they cave."

"This keeps happening to you because the only reason the two people who raised you stayed together, was 'for the kids.'  Love and respect for each other went out the window six months after you born."

"You will know the 'right one' when he gives as much as you do.   Not necessarily at the same time, but at the end of the year, the score should be zero to zero.  If you're the only one giving, GET OUT!"

"You'll know he's the right one when he treats you as kindly as you treat him.  If he can't, say goodbye and go live your life until a loving fella enters your world."

"If a potential partner tells you that they are no good - RUN!!!  They know themselves.  Trust them.  Do not assume that they're misunderstood.  RUN!!!! I tell you RUN!!!

As it turned out, the right one did come along disguised as my friend (add that to the list).   How did I know he was the right one?  Every time we took the next step, dating, engagement, marriage, buying a home, it felt right in the pit of my stomach.

I told my niece all of these things, as I have 294 times before.  Her eyes glaze over like they do when I tell the same story over and over again.  Really, the most important thing each of us can do?  Teach those coming up after us to relate, remembering that they hear little we say, but watch every move we make.



 

Galveston Gulf View Condo Available for Vacation Rental

I haven't achieved the readership, yet, that I need to get folks who'd like to advertise on my blog, so I've decided to do a bit of my own.

We have a condo in Galveston, TX that we rent out year round.  It's a two bedroom, two bath that sleeps eight.  It has a west gulf view, is located on the first floor, one king bed, one queen bed, bunk beds and a sleeper sofa.  Two TV's (One Flatscreen), DVD, full range/oven, granite counter tops, ceramic tile floor coverings throughout, washer/dryer and wireless internet.

If you'd like to know more about it, please visit:

http://www.abseascape.com/irmnet/(S(bcyvclb5lhmvnnqai3e1wi55))/res/resmain.aspx?Submit=View+picture+%26+Book&RoomNum=1106

In case that link doesn't work, please go to:

http://www.galveston.com/seascape

And choose to book suite #1106.

Thank you.

Who's Problem Is It?

Thanksgiving is less than a week and a half away; Christmas, just slightly over a month.  It's the time for spending oodles of time with family.  In our dreams there is a cozy fire burning, the house smells of turkey and spice and everyone is being treated with kindness and love.  The fire and the turkey, doable.  Families who do not end up in some sort of scuffle before desert, rare as the East African Bongo.

I've thought of a coping strategy to use this year, that I'd like to share.  We'll find out together how well it works.

There are members of my family that don't like my hair.  I like my hair.  So when they make an evil comment about the light socket and my finger, I'm going to say to myself, their problem not mine, and continue stuffing the turkey.

I am overweight, but have been working very hard since June and have seen some positive results.  However, barring famine, I won't be my ideal weight by Christmas.  So if when the pumpkin pie is passed and Aunt Sara says, "Oh she doesn't need any of that," to an entire room of people, I will say in my head, bully, and then take a slice of the pie.

We internalize so many mean things that are said to us, or feel like we need to defend ourselves.  "My hair is naturally curly." "I've been exercising and eating really healthy."  Or, we hone in on their faults.  "Oh, I guess it's okay that you ran over Sam's cat who didn't die, but you left the scene anyway."  This gets nowhere quickly.  The cat is no more of your business than your hair and weight are theirs'.

I never recommend internalizing feelings or not feeling your feelings.  Heart attack city.  I do recommend not taking on other folks problems or bullying even if you love them.  If they tell you that you have a character trait that you're not, greedy for example, simply write it off to being their problem.  If you've been struggling with greed, you've confided in them, and they're using it against you, bully.

Enjoy the season.  And Praise God that it only comes once a year!

Rich Habits

I just finished reading Rich Habits, by Thomas C. Corley CPA, CFP, M.S. Tax, published by Langdon Street Press.

The book is 89 pages of excellent advice on how to get your life organized, including examples of the changes three individuals experienced after thirty days or so of the program.  As the title implies, if you follow Mr. Corley's ten steps, monetary wealth should follow.  I can see applying these steps to any and all endeavors you're pursuing, that may or may not produce monetary wealth, but success.

Household chores will be more easily accomplished by following these steps.  They're about structure and gaining control over your life.  Self-control.  The only control we have, and if you play it right, the only one you need.

I bristle at the thought of any kind of structure, so if you're reading this and saying to yourself, "dream on," I understand.  However, I have noticed that folks who have goals for each and every day of their lives, are getting much more accomplished that I am.

So, if you're looking to change your life, you might want to give the principals in the book thirty days, as he suggest.  Good luck and may these tools help you find your path to success, whatever that looks like for you.  Go to www.richhabits.net

Stay Out Of The Whale's Belly

For Bible Study today, I read the book of Jonah.  To get into a dialogue of how a human survived in the belly of a whale for three days misses the point of this book, so I’ll skip that dissertation and head directly into the it’s applicability, as I see it.

Each of us have a God given purpose.  He asks us to complete huge, tiny and medium  tasks each day that serve to accomplish His purpose for us.  His voice is not audible, but is heard in our heart, or that little voice that lives inside us (mine is located above my bellybutton).  He always starts by asking us kindly.  We have been given freedom of choice, therefore the option of yes or no is up to us.  If we keep saying no, inevitably we end up in a whales stomach, on our knees, praying desperately for God to help us.  When He feels we’re ready, he allows the whale to vomit our flesh upon the beach.

Our current journey is not over yet, because we’re covered in smelly, gooey vomit and still have not reached the goal.  Out we go to fulfill His request, then we take a shower and slowly we’re back to our wonderful have all the answers selves.  The humility we acquired from the three days inside the whale is soon forgotten, and we’re self-sufficient, omniscient beings in no time; until we find ourselves blistering in the middle of the desert.  Again, doing it our way and trying to hide from our God.  Do we ever learn?

Within the last two decades, God has asked me to finish one novel, two stage plays and a teleplay.  This blog is His idea, and I’m supposed to be posting two a week.  Every single time I come remotely close to success, I allow fear to take the place where trust should be and run the other way.  The embarrassment of, “How’s that novel coming?” from people I told five years ago that I was almost finished, is my current Jonah moment.  I see “fraud,” in their eyes as I answer, “coming along.”  However, in God’s Unending Mercy, He’s giving me yet another chance, (I think this is 1,284) but I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit gooey and stinky.

Would you be so kind as to join me in praying that two years from now you are rushing to the bookstore to pick up my novel, or attending the opening night of my play?  May my name be in lights, instead of on the front page of the paper, “Jenny Albert, gone to sea again.”

I'll Call You Back

What I'm about to say is indicative to a specific situation in my life, as most "Op-Ed" pieces are.  However, we are all tied together by being a part of the human condition, so I have to believe that this problem belongs to more than me.

When a friend or loved one says, "I'll call you back," I believe that they'll call me back.  Now, everyone gets busy, and an occasional, "I blew it" is acceptable.  These words are written to the folks who have a chronic problem.  A habit, a vice, whatever.  I would like to tell you that it would be better for you to say the following instead:

1.   I'm not interest in what's going on in your life.
2.   You don't matter enough to me to share my life with you.
3.   You are insignificant to me.
4.   You are not worth the investment of my time.   

Oh that's not nice.  Those words will hurt somebody.  So unkind.  And talk about politically incorrect.

You're saying all of those things anyway by not keeping your word.  Oh, add that you can't keep your word.  It's impossible to build a relationship on deception.  Telling the truth would be so much kinder.  The Truth sets us all free.

One more thing.  If you're the victim of a chronic liar, harsh, but the truth, don't spend one second of your time or energy wondering why they treat you like this.  The problem is theirs.

Always The Best In The Worst

It was the best of times it was the worst of times, Charles Dickens wrote in 1859.  These prophetic words apply to each year since his original penning.  One might even say that they apply to each week or even day since he sat down with his inkwell.  The picture he painted with his prose depicts that everything has opportunity cost and always will.  

The world economy nose dived beginning with the collapse of Lehman Brothers, September 2008. Some “in the know” Politicians (that may be an oxymoron) and business people have said that if the American people knew how close we came to a full blown Depression, we wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, even now. However, depending on which business news analysts’ are reporting their current research findings, we are finally moving out of the worst historical Recession since the Depression.  Except we’re not because unemployment is still too high and those who do have jobs are terrified that they’re going to loose them.  

Citibank is laying off over 700 folks here in Las Vegas.  Wells Fargo just had a layoff of over 2,000, although not all in Las Vegas.  The Stock Market, although volatile, is up this year.  Many citizens of this country have a better looking retirement portfolio.  This is a good thing but with unemployment is somewhere between ten and fifteen percent, (in real terms) and worry of impending unemployment, folks are not out spending.  

They’re saving more money in a traditional savings account (about 10% more) and splurging less; instead of expensive meals and fancy vacations, a $10 bottle of wine (there are some very good varietals at this price) and a pasta dinner, with the advantage of enjoying family and friends, at home is in order.  Families are staying home, renting movies, playing games, getting to know each other.  Finally people matter again and stuff is very uncool.      

Worst times will be ever present but the good news is that so will best times.  There will always be the greedy and there will always be the generous.  Here’s to always being able to find the best in the worst.